Even if You Never Did Another Thing

It’s no secret to me what the Lord has been trying to teach me over the past few weeks. However, in all honesty, no matter how many times I speak it over myself I somehow still have a hard time always believing it.

I met a girl from Texas back in September and over the past couple months we spent lots of time together adventuring and getting to know each other. We had a conversation one night during our stay in Pai where she asked me if I knew that God really loved me regardless of the things I do or don’t do. I felt it was a simple question and of course my answer was yes, I know he loves me, but really I wasn’t so convinced of my answer while I was saying it.

We continued to talk and she asked me if I was sitting with one of the kids from Agape what would I want to tell them about God’s love for them. And as I cried over a pineapple filled with fried rice, I said “I would want them to know that God loves them, no strings attached.” Thinking back on this now, I realize that I preach that message to so many, but it’s rare I can truly accept it in my own life. 

Then last week the message given by a fellow dutch friend in my cell group, was about how God is our Father and how God loves his children. Another thing that growing up as a Christian does not come as a shock to me. However, I felt myself teary again seeing that I tie up so much of my self worth in all the things I’m doing as a missionary in Thailand and not in the simple fact that God is my Father and He loves me. Period. End of story.

Then again today I visited a nearby park and as I swung in the sun on and old wooden swing I listened to the song “dad song” by Abbie Gamboa, a recommendation by my Texan friend I mentioned earlier. The chorus says this: 

You were made to be loved by me

You were made to be loved by me

I’ll hold you close to my heart until you see 

That even if you never did another thing 

You were made to be, made to be, loved by me

I felt the Lord really teaching me through this song and through the example of my earthly father. My dad chose to have me because he wanted to love me, and care for me, he didn’t have any preconceived expectations for what I would do or who I would grow up to be. My dad had me and as his child he loved me before I did anything, and after I messed up things, and during times of success, and all the in-between. 

So ultimately if my earthly, human, father feels this way, how much more does my Heavenly Father see me the same way? Even if I sat in a room and did nothing forever He would love me. Simply and fully. He created me so that He could love me, not even so that I would love Him back. He chose me knowing I had the freedom to not choose Him back. And now as I work hard to earn his love he reminds me that He’s already given it to me. That he loved me from the day I began and he loves me today the same and there’s nothing I can do until the end of time to change it in either direction. 

As I write this I feel like a weight is being lifted off my chest, like I can sort of breathe again as the pressure is getting less heavy. However, I also write with questions and wanderings about how to live a life honoring to the Lord as I walk in the light of His love that’s shining on me each and everyday. I can feel Him pulling me closer to Him as I wrestle with it and I know that it’s probably something I will always fight with, but what a gift to know that he’s loving me through it all.