Home Away From Home

As I approach my last few days in Thailand (this time around anyway) I have been reflecting on all the Lord has done the past few years as I have been back and forth from Chiang Mai. And wow have I gotten to see the goodness of God so evidently in my time here. I have fallen deeply in love with the Thai people, their culture, and their country. They are kind, beautiful, welcoming and the most servant-hearted people I know, and I am overwhelmed with joy that I get to live life amongst them.

Getting to work with a full staff of Thai nannies has also truly been a gift. They tell me how smart I am and how great my Thai is even when I know it’s horrible, they bring me endless snacks because they know how much I love Thai goodies, and they shower me in grace as I learn how to fit into their lifestyle. Even with my lack of Thai, I have built stronger relationships than I ever thought possible and I think that is a beautiful testament to how the love of our father connects us in a way that doesn’t make sense sometimes.

Leaving this time feels harder than it ever has even though I know I am coming back (details on my return coming soon). I think I have come to realize this is because I now have a whole other family a world away. They have taken me in as their own and loved me without limits. So as much as I am excited to be back with my sweet American family my heart aches to leave my Thai one.

These relationships took years to grow as I proved to them my commitment. That I didn’t want to just be a face that shows up every once in a while but a face that was lasting in their day-to-day. A face they could trust and rely on, a face that wanted to really know them. I think we still have a long way to go as we grow in relationship together, even while I am gone, but I am so grateful for the progress that has already been made.

As I sat in Starbucks crying with a missionary friend of mine last night I asked, “how am I supposed to do this over and over, how do I keep saying goodbye?” I think her response could not have been said any better, she said “for the rest of your life you will now always feel at home while also missing home at the same time.” There's really no better way to describe it.

So now I grieve the goodbyes and celebrate the hellos and will do it again and again as long as the Lord allows me to live and love in this place in which my heart has found its other home.